


Someone from Saturn

by Pussyhands



Series: Dumb Kids [4]
Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: Animal Death, Drugs, Gen, I'm Sorry, Pre-Canon, Precious Baby Charlie, fluff and then angst, just really sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-09
Updated: 2020-04-09
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:15:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23554414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pussyhands/pseuds/Pussyhands
Summary: Is this what taking care of someone else feels like? Charlie wipes the tiny kitten with a wet cloth, just like Dennis taught him to. It’s supposed to feel like it’s his mom cleaning him with her tongue, so Charlie guesses that makes him his mom, and he smiles warmly.“I’m your new mama little kitten. I’m your mama forever”
Relationships: Charlie Kelly & Mac McDonald
Series: Dumb Kids [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1689493
Comments: 10
Kudos: 32





	Someone from Saturn

Is this what taking care of someone else feels like? Charlie wipes the tiny kitten with a wet cloth, just like Dennis taught him to. It’s supposed to feel like it’s his mom cleaning him with her tongue, so Charlie guesses that makes him his mom, and he smiles warmly. 

“I’m your new mama little kitten. I’m your mama forever”

He thought of naming the kitten Ronnie, after what his best friend’s name used to be, before he told everyone to call him Mac. But then he thought the kitten didn’t need that sort of baggage, and that because of some sort of name magic the kitten would become bigoted and religious (is there a special cat religion? He reminds himself to ask his friends latter). So he settled on Rolf, like that actor Mac’s always going on about, and that way the kitten will grow strong and muscly (can cats be muscly? That’s another question for latter). 

Charlie doesn’t know that many things, and he’s ok with that, cos he doesn’t want to be a nerd, and have to wear glasses and carry around a calculator. Rolf sleeps next to him, in the pull out couch his mom gave him when he moved out (“my Charlie! How is my Charlie going to survive out there all on his own oh I can’t stand it”). Charlie bets his mom would be glad he got a cat instead of a dog, but he’s not gonna tell her, cos he’d be fine without having to see her ever again. Charlie’s gonna be a way better mom to this kitten than his mom ever was to him. He’s gonna protect him, he’s gonna watch over him at night so nothing bad can ever happen to him. He’s gonna learn cat language and teach him about music and ghouls.

When he has to go to work, to the bar he just bought with part of Bonnie’s retirement money, he takes Rolf with him. He’s got a lot of work to do, fixing the cabling and the plumbing and basically cleaning the place from top to bottom. The bar is a dump, but it’s his dump, he thinks fondly as he lights a fire in the alley to burn the old broken stools from the basement. It’s a dangerous environment for a kitten, so he’s left him with Dee and Dennis, who are going through the old alcohol bottles, collecting the fancy empty ones so they can fill them with cheap liquor latter. Sometimes he thinks the twins are bad people, when they laugh at him and Mac for not knowing about something fancy like fish forks or whatever (Charlie’s still wondering why fish would need forks when everyone knows they just suck up the ocean sewage, like swimming vacuum cleaners). But then they fret over Rolf and buy expensive food for him, so they’re not that bad, maybe they are good people after all. 

It’s not all one sided either, Rolf takes care of Charlie too. When Charlie dreams of the nightman, laying on top of Charlie, stifling him, so he can’t breathe, he can’t see, he can’t feel his body anymore, Rolf is there, right next to him when he wakes up in a cold sweat, comforting him with his soft purrs and sending his thoughts to him. “It’s alright Charlie. You’re home, this is your home. No one’s gonna catch you here” and Charlie can fall asleep again, without even needing to sniff any glue, just feeling Rolf purr against his chest. 

With his first earnings from the bar Charlie buys a crate of Fancy Feast. Rolf is getting bigger. He knows how to clean himself now and though he could probably stay home alone while Charlie’s at work, he still takes him along. Everyone’s used to him by now and there’s never that many costumers either, so Rolf never gets scared, even though he’s still just a little kitten. Charlie guesses that’s because the name magic is working. 

Charlie thinks he’s never been happier. He was never this happy in his mom’s house (not his, his mom’s). He loves his job, squatting in the dark, surrounded by the smell of bleach and other solvents. It’s perfect, he’d even do it for free. He also gets to work with his best friend, and Mac says he’s happy too, mostly, Charlie guesses, because he gets to show off how tough he is, standing by the door and looking badass or whatever his job’s supposed to be. Dennis is nice too, he’s the nicest he’s been since Charlie first met him, less guarded, less on edge. Maybe he hated high school too, even if he’ll never say so out loud. So is Dee, they hang out a lot, and it’s easy with her. She’s sort of clumsy and awkward, but she’s also strong and angry, and Charlie thinks she could protect him. 

She can’t though, not really, because one night the nightman catches Rolf. 

It was dark in his dream, the nightman only appears when it’s dark, like the inside of a big dog’s mouth, like the color you see for a minute if you sniff too much glue. The nightman was crawling on top of Charlie again, and as Charlie opened his mouth to scream millions of spiders came rushing out, getting tangled up in each other with their spindly legs. When Charlie woke up, a scream on his lips but no spiders, Rolf was laying under him. He was strangely limp in his arms and he wouldn’t purr or meow, no matter how much Charlie whispered in his ear, telling him not to be scared. It was just a dream little cat. Charlie held him until evening the next day, hoping to nurse him back to health, eating Fancy Feast while holding Rolf with the other hand, so that Rolf would smell it and wake up, and think that it’s delicious because Charlie’s eating it and making happy sounds, despite the Fancy Feast not being delicious at all. 

The only reason Charlie stops holding Rolf is because Mac comes over to check on him, “there’s a ton of Charlie work dude, and Dennis’ on my ass to do it if you don’t show up”. He stops talking when he sees Rolf, so tiny in Charlie’s arms, getting cold, despite all of Charlie’s efforts to keep him warm. So cold. They go out to the side of the bridge in the industrial sector, where there’s a small plot of sad, trampled grass that no one’s gonna mind them digging around in. Charlie sings a song, but it comes out wrong because his voice keeps catching in his throat, like there’s a spider left over from his dream in there, and it’s holding onto his voice so he can’t get it out, can’t sing to Rolf good. He’s trying to see but his eyes are full of saltwater like he’s in the ocean, so he can’t see Mac as he says one of his weird prayers about being a sinner and what does being a sinner have to do with Rolf? Mac says the Bible says cats can’t go to heaven, and Charlie doesn’t believe in heaven but he feels like he hates Mac more than he’s ever hated anyone in his whole life. 

Charlie’s never gonna have kids. They’d probably be stupid anyways he thinks as he dumps his glue into a paper bag. They’d probably be weird and stupid, just like me.

**Author's Note:**

> I’m so sad. I’m sorry and I regret everything


End file.
